Posts Tagged ‘single’

This could be my new job. Writing down things that annoy me could become my new obsession. I’m kidding (sort of).

Both of these have one thing in common, tho. They relate to people that have recently had breakups. Here are my observations.

  1. Being single and choosing to be single are not the same.  Today a friend on Facebook talked about why she had “chosen to be single.” Don’t get me wrong, she gave good reasons.  My problem is that 9 minutes, that’s right only 9 minutes later she says, okay I’m single, where’s my soul mate. I don’t feel like this is choosing to be single. I think this is simply being single. Choosing to be single means that you’re not looking for a soul mate. You’re not looking for any relationship whatsoever because you are happy and  have decided you don’t need another person to feel complete.  If you are of the mind set that you still want (or “need”) to find another person to be complete, then you have not chose to be single. You simply are single. (See my treatise on being single in a previous post.)
  2. After you break up, you’re the greatest person in the whole wide world.  At least according to your friends. “He’s the one that’s missing out.” “It’s his loss.” “She doesn’t know what she’s missing.” “You deserve better.” All of this amazes me. People are so quick to lift this person up, have they considered that it could be their fault after all.  I mean, when a relationship falls apart, someone as fault.  Usually, both parties share some blame even tho one will generally share more than the other.  I just find it amusing that people can’t think of anything more comforting to say than to put the person on a pedestal. Usually, it’s guys probably hoping to get in sad girl’s pants.

I want to be the poster boy for being single.  I hear friends, usually women, complaining on Facebook about how it sucks to be single, yada yada yada.  I’ve been single for so long, I feel like I’ve basically mastered it.  It’s a comfortable place for me. My life feels full, and it is hard to imagine fitting another person into it.

Being single doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re alone. It doesn’t stop you from hanging out with friends. It simply means that you lack a sexual/romantic partner.  In my situation, tho, I’m frequently doing things by myself.  My friends either don’t share the same interests with me or aren’t available due to kids, relationships, etc.

Some time ago, I decided that I wanted to do “things” and I wasn’t going to not do those “things” just because someone wasn’t available to do them with me. I go to the movies more than most of my friends. I go to metal concerts, and most of them don’t listen to that kind of music. Et cetera. I can’t see any point in putting my life on hold just because no one else’s schedule is clear.

On the flip side, I totally see the advantages. When I go to a movie, I’m there to watch the movie. Whether other people are there or not is inconsequential. When I go to see a band, I’m there to enjoy the music and the experience.  That doesn’t require two people. When I go on road trips, I can stop wherever I want and take detours whenever I want.  The only schedule is my schedule. If I decide that I want to go do something an hour from now, I can. I don’t have to worry about whether someone else is available on such short notice.

Technology has helped too.  Especially with road trips, I admit that it’s scarier getting lost on side roads by yourself than if you had another person with you.  With GPS and navigation available on smartphones, however, that is no longer a concern. I can easily and confidently explore at my leisure and not worry about whether or not I’ll find my way back to the highway.

Technology also helps take the loneliness out of being alone.  Through social media such as Twitter, Facebook, and Foursquare, I can share what I’m doing.  This isn’t necessarily to brag, but it is to share and allow others to participate.  It’s like I’m taking everyone with me, in a non-interfering way. They can comment and offer suggestions or even get ideas for things that they may want to do.  Part of the reason I share what I’m doing is for education. Some people still don’t realize that there’s an IMAX screen in our local AMC theaters, so when I’m seeing a movie on the IMAX screen, I share that to remind people that there’s an IMAX screen available within a short traveling distance.

Every week I share my checkin at my local comic book store.  I do this because I’m happy about it but also to help support the business by spreading the word, to get the name of the store in front of people’s eyes.  If there’s a local event going on, I try to share it in advance and also while I’m there.

I think that when I’m doing something, and especially when I’m doing something with someone, it’s fun to share that.  I really can’t relate to people that don’t want to share where they are and who they are with. I don’t understand the need for secrecy.  I realize there’s a point of oversharing, but I try to be balanced. Sure, I checkin everywhere on Foursquare because that’s the venue for that sort of behavior.  I just don’t always post those checkins to other places.  I think anyone that’s truly a friend, not just people in the friends category on Facebook, are happy to see what you’re doing and, if you’re hanging out with friends, that you are.  I know I am.  I like seeing when people that I know are out having a good time.

I think that the single life is what you make of it. I think you can have plenty of fun by yourself, and you shouldn’t put your life, your fun and enjoyment, on hold just because someone else may not be available.  If you want someone to share the experience with, share it with everyone.  That’s what Facebook and other sites are for.

I hope that I can be an example to people that shows that you don’t have to have a significant other in order to have a full life.  There’s plenty to do, you just have to aim to do it. Don’t let others hold you back. What are you waiting for? If you want to do it, do it.